My real name

I will always love you in a way I will never understand

My heart won’t let you go.

I have never felt so lucky to be alive.

How is it that I fuck up everything as soon as it becomes perfect?

When I lost you, I lost me too. Maybe someday I can get us both back.

I missed you a lot today. I miss you every day, but it was really amplified today. It’s my first day without a cigarette in a long time. I officially quit, you would have been really proud of me. But without a cigarette, I didn’t have anything to distract me or keep me from getting into my head. It’s when I stop focusing on everything else that my mind redirects all of its attention to you. Tonight, when I look at the sky, I’m going to pick the brightest star I see and pretend it’s you. I’d rather believe that your light is shining brighter than ever instead of remembering how suddenly it faded.

Jacob,

You are one of my very best friends. However, I am no good at consoling. So I looked elsewhere for advice/comforting words. Read these until you find one that works, then get yourself a nice bottle of red wine and listen to our favourite music.

1. “Although right now it feels like the world is crashing down on you and there is no hope, there will always be love in the world, and someday you’ll find a piece that fits you just right.”

2. Believe in fate. (Although this may involve changing your philosophies on life, so if you’re unwilling to do that, move on to number 3.)

3. “Originally humans were combined of 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head made of 2 faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.” (If you’re into the whole soul mate thing, whatever floats your boat. If not, proceed to the next option)

4. Time heals all wounds. (This requires optimism and patience. If you have neither, go to the next one)

5. She’s losing a hell of a lot more than you are. (I firmly agree with this one, but I’ll keep going in case you don’t. But you should)

6. Focus on work. (GROSS, WORK. I vote no on this one, but it’s here if you want it)

7. Cry it out. (This is generally the solution I go with, I also throw a pint of ice cream into the mix. But you don’t eat sugar and it’s not really worth it without the ice cream. Next.)

8. Talk about your feelings. (HAHAHAHHA. You know I love you, but you’re not a very good sharer when it comes to your own problems. Start being selfish. I promise, all of your friends are there to listen and you are not a burden. But I won’t push one tip over the other, so move to the next one)

9. Get rid of all mementos. (The classic box up her shit and burn it approach. It seems to help in movies, but in case it doesn’t help you, continue on to the next one)

10. Cherish the good, forget the bad, and move on with no regrets.

I’ve only got 10 for you today, but let me know if you need more. Also, I’m a phone call away if you ever need to talk. Miss you tons.

-Ewita

I never thought I’d feel so alone without you. It’s so silly, I feel like I can call you and you’ll still pick up the phone. Now no one calls me e. I never thought I’d miss a nickname so much. I love you more than you’ll ever know and I’m so sorry for everything that happened. Every time I see a daisy, I think of you. Every time I smile (which hasn’t been often in the last few days), I think of how you always said we had the same smile. I miss you more than words can express. R.I.P. wifey. I’ll never forget you.

You turn me into somebody loved.